Dirty Old Men: "Beer On"


Kick My Crotch

Cyborg Reagan

Cave Crickets

Murder You

Brine Shrimp

Devil's Frilly Knickers


Big Hell


Preschool Whore

Tard Tat


Dirtchute Greghorn

Anorexic Football Floatation Device



Use Your Fucking Turn Signal

Peeing at Work

Space Ghost


Kick My Crotch

Kick my crotch like you know you should

I think it feels real good

Break my scrotum with your shin

That's when the fun begins

Kick my crotch

Kick, kick my crotch

Kick my crotch

Kick, kick my crotch

Make my nuts fall on the floor

Why don't you stomp some more?

If you want to be my friend

Just kick my crotch again

Kick my crotch, c'mon

I know that you want to

Kick my crotch, you have to

You know it's good for you, soo-ooo

C'mon, kick 'em

My balls are turning blue

So please kick 'em, crush 'em

Smash them with your shoe

Kick my crotch

Cyborg Reagan

Why can't we have Reagan back?

Why can't we have Reagan back?

He's a cyborg

I ain't lyin' boy!

He's a cyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyborg…. Reagan!

Why were the 80's so great?

Why did the 90's eat shit?

It's because no one in present office

has dared to unleash the secret of the cyborg

Why didn't Nancy do drugs?

Why did Nancy say no?

Nancy's only got one fucking tit!

But she still knew the secret of the cyborg

Cave Crickets

Ain't got no big balls for crickets

Little hopping bastards

Always reproducing

Just got flyswatter for crickets

Watching my skin crawl in

My own house makes me kill

And the crickets rule my mind

But I'll die before they win

I've got hell to give those


Cave crickets

No sir, don't think I'll keep crickets

One day, they'll evolve and

Feast upon my asleep ass

I'm fair-giving chance to crickets

They can live in the crawl space

as long as they're not in my basement

But the crickets never leave

Ignoring all of my warnings

I've got hell to give those


Cave crickets

Cave crickets

Cave crickets

Murder You

I used to like you

But now you drive me up the wall

This just can't go on

It's time I realize that...

I hate you, I want to

Murder you

Yes I do

If it's you, I've got to

Murder you

Don't bother trying to stop me

I'm backed by everybody

Though I don't know where to begin

I'm done when I have smashed your head in

I hate you (15X)

I want to murder you

Brine Shrimp

Welcome to the Wonderful World of Amazing Live

Sea Monkeys, never thought I'd create life

Time travelers asleep in biological time

capsules for their strange journey into the future

I have a Sea Monkey Life Insurance policy

They come direct with a growth guarantee

I wish Sea Monkeys could come out and play with me

All of this is possible by cryptobiosis


New amazing hobby that is so fantastic


Staggers the imagination

Water and crystals

The Devil's Frilly Knickers

Sitting in my room

Minding my own business

Thinking that life's not fair

A demon appeared

He said, "C'mon, kid I'll

show you where there's underwear"

Flames and lava


I'm naked from the waist down

I went down to hell

I returned with the devil's frilly knickers in my hand

It's not as I planned

I battle demons to protect the frilly knickers of the damned.DAMN!

Naked Lucifer

He doesn't have his pants

I can see demonic schlong

Powerful knickers

I whoop the devil good

The knickers made me strong

Bow and lace

Knicker power

The devil's the one naked now


How many times have I told you?

No toilet paper on the ground when you poop

How many times have I asked you what

Are all the things that you stick up your butt?

Could it be a shoehorn?

Or a bottle of Coke?

Maybe your roommate

Man, you're really retarded

Larry---Severely retarded


Larry---Sensori-nueral impairment

Larry---Absence of right jaw

How many times have I asked you to stop

Asking me for a mother fucking pop?

One more time I'll ask you what

Are all the things that you stick up your butt?

I can see

I can see

That you're really retarded

I can see

I'd like to be

A little retarded

Big Hell

I said, "You're big hell, baby."

She slapped me 'till my jaw: slack

I tried to run and hide but

She kicked my in my ballsack

Soprano cries engulfed in thighs

Her girth encased my head, yeah

I said, "Big hell, you're fat, big hell,

My eyes will see you dead."

Big hell

Hell is dwarfed to your gargantuan


You think I'm fuckin' lyin'?

Still trying to get away, but

The pressure's crushing my head

Don't want to die by fat, but

Don't think she'll stop 'till I'm dead

I lit a match under a patch

Of rampant cellulose, yeah

I screamed, "Big hell, you're awful hell,

Can't wait to kill you dead."


You are my turtle

and I will take good care of you

But I can't keep up

with your constant, massive output of poop

You are my turtle and I see

I switched you from the wild to captivity

But you'll grow up strong

One day you'll be gone and then you'll be my pipe


You'll be my pipe


You'll be my pipe

Don't get me wrong, I'll love you to the natural end of your life

But when you die, I'll scrape out your guts and screw in a pot bowl

You're a good turtle

You eat cat food and you don't bite me

I'll feed you more worms

Your contact buzz deserves a healthy feast

You are my turtle, sadly see

My primary interest holds that of me

But you'll be a bong

Oh, not until you're gone, so smile, you'll be my pipe

Preschool Whore

I'm so glad you never made it to kindergarten (Preschool whore) X2

I'm telling Mom, I'm telling Dad

I'm the best, so don't be mad

You will see that in the future

I'll be good and you'll be bad

I'm your Mom, yes, I'm your Dad

I'm the best you could have had

In the future you will wish that

it was me that you did have

Preschool whore (4X)

Tard Tat

I have an

itch for my

tard to get some ink

It's time for

a tard tat

but what of, I think

He's got his mind set upon it

He wants mom with a heart around it

I tell him

to avoid

a tard tat cliché

He laughs and

I know that

he probably pooped his pants

We went into the bathroom to check

He must've ate a pound of Ex-lax


He's a tard

I took him to change his pants and ask him if he'll be tattooed

Yeah, a tard tat

Tat for tard

He can't remember what a tattoo is or why he wanted one, oh yeah

He is a tard, that's all there is and I don't care about it

He is a tard, that's all there is and I don't care about it

He is a tard, that's all there is and I don't care about it

(I've lost my mind)

He is a tard, that's all there is and I don't care about it

(I've lost my mind)


Kitty fetches milk rings

Kitty pukes a lot

Kitty perches when he poops

Always firm and not like soup

Kitty is the craziest cat I ever fuckin' saw, whoa-oh

Kitty looks with wide eyes

Kitty's always gone

Kitty jumps up in the air

No reason at all for fear

Why, oh why is Kitty nuts, what caused him to fuck up?

I wanna know what's wrong with Kitty

Was he abused when he was itty bitty?

I agree that cat abuse is shitty

but I wanna know what Kitty is crazy for

Kitty thinks he's hunted

Kitty won't be caught

Kitty darts out the room

Cloud of dust, sonic boom

Kitty is the craziest cat I ever fuckin' saw, whoa-oh

Kitty fetches milk rings

I had to say that again

Kitty fetches milk rings

Nothing else, just milk rings

Why, oh why is Kitty nuts, what caused him to fuck up?

Dirtchute Greghorn

Mud is mud 'till the water leaves the dirt

Add more water, you get more mud

Mud is mud 'till the water leaves the dirt

Add more dirt, you get more mud

Well I live in a different world

and here it doesn't rain

You would think that we don't have mud

Wrong!! .we don't have dirt

No we don't have dirt (3X)

If a glass of water is half full

You're an idiot

Free time isn't money, unless the money's funny money

I'm so smart

I give everybody shirts before I put them on my back

It seems sometime back

I must have taken a wrong turn for the better

Break a law, you go downtown

Except gravity, then you go up

I'll turn myself in, inside out

Burn bridges, louganis.com

Louganis.com (24X or so.)

Anorexic Football Floatation Device

What are you looking at?

Not much to see here

This device has many dibs

Shove the football into my ribs

Hey man, are you still here?

Stop eyeing my bony raft

Skin and bones, I float, play ball

Ain't ever said much at all, and I

Float (strap on my helmet)

Float (shoulder pads)

Float (none of that eating)

Anorexic football floatation device

Have you never seen my kind?

Do I look all that strange?

Well, I tell you, I don't give a fuck

Oh shit, here comes the duck!

Paddle as fast as I can

Gotta get away from that duck

Why won't he leave me alone?

I'm nothing but skin and bone, and I


There is a dog who shits in my yard

When I tell him to get out, he barks at me

I'm really wanting to kill him hard

I'm really wanting to kill him hard

And the dog keeps on pooping

Regardless of my kicking

Oh no, it's another shit mine

The neighbor's dog always shits in my yard

Why does that fucker choose mine?

He's got a whole block to litter with shit

I never see the shit until it's on my shoe

Covert defecation, one day I'll best you

I'm really wanting to kill that dog

Crunch all his bones with my car


Clanky, clanky go the knees of Al

Don't get me wrong, he's my cool ass pal

He fucks my grandma

And he's my step-grandpa

Hear the notes of the organ played

Hide the squeaks of the organs laid

Hey, that's my grandma

And he's my step-grandpa

Oh yeah, he's my step-grandpa (oh yeah, oh yeah)

Oh yeah, he's my step-grandpa

I'm content that my grandma is happy

Didn't think she'd find another old man

But I guess age is all in your head

Hey Al, I got something to say (hey Al, hey Al)

Quit fucking my grandma, ..please

It makes me feel really weird, and I don't like it


She seems to like it

Use Your Fucking Turn Signal

You fucking son of a bitch

How dare you even look at me?

An illegal traffic lane switch

I know you'll die eventually

Do you see that lever on your left?

Yeah, down's left and up's right

I'd love to smash into your car

And leave you there to die

How the hell

Did you get licensed?

I don't know

If I can fight this

I'm just gonna explode

I often dream of a day

When I'll enforce the law

I'll make all the idiots pay

By ticketing them all

How much time does it really take

To signal your intent?

Electric cars that shock stupid drivers

I one day will invent

I'm in shock

The danger's so real

They let you drive

An automobile

I'm just gonna explode

Peeing at Work

I don't like

That I can't be mellow when I take care of your tards

And I don't see why I

Can't be stoned when I'm watching TV on your couch

The ones with cataracts

Could see a lot better if they took a hit of my joint

Why not improve their lives?

A little hallucinogen goes a long way if you're a tard

Please stop workplace drug-screening me

I've got plenty of drugs in my pee

You wish that you were half as uninhibited

You just need to smoke a fat joint, fuck off

Explain to me

Why a constant good mood and laughing a lot is bad

Imagine being retarded

You know being high would be a vacation to them

Some need to gain weight

Well, a munchified tard could eat his way to good health

Why not improve their life

A little retarded guy goes a long way if he's stoned

Space Ghost

Flying through space in my invisible jet

Must thwart Zorak's evil plans

Have to settle Brak's pickled egged debt

I've got my armbands but where are my pants?

Where are my pants? If I had them, I would say:

Hi, kids, I'm Space Ghost

I'm your intergalactic host

Broadcasting from coast to coast

Now sit back and have some toast with

Space Ghost

Space Ghost

(I'm your Space Ghost)

Space Ghost

Space Ghost

Driving down Highway 40 in my big ol' pickup truck

I've got ratings on my mind

That insect Zorak is an evil little fuck

I've got my hood and cape but where are my pants?

Where are my pants? If I had them I would say:


You thought I was a bad dream when you saw me next to your small bed

You soon knew my reality as I thumped upon your puny head

Behold my great existence as I skeletize your tiny frame

I only spare the faithful that exalt and praise my spooky name

Backup vocals: I am Skeletor

Hark! I am Skeletor!

Bow and kiss my skully boots

Gaze into my glowing eyes and

Tremble at the power of Greyskull

Now that you know I am, won't you join the ranks of living dead?

Let us crush this He-man and we'll feast upon his muscled head

Half the sword is mine to keep and half the sword is mine to steal

Why not join my army and make He-man a most tasty meal?


I am Skeletor!


I am Skeletor!